The Demented Fic That Doesn't Have a Title Yet
by TsukiNoBara
Summary: WARNING! For the love of God, do not read this. Seriously, it sucks beyond belief. Don't say I didn't warn you. Celebrating the International Day of Slash, I present a demented DracoRon fic. This is totally and completely wrong.


Keep in mind that I think I suck at romance (If I don't, then either I suck at M/F pairings, or I'm just convinced because my first romance fic was a 'Sue). Here it is...By the way, the spell that Snape uses is inspired by the second story in AgiVega's "The Greatest" series (The Greatest Shame a Wizard Could Suffer, sequel to The Greatest Scandal of Hogwarts History). She made it, not me. ^_^;  
  
This is to Celebrate the International Day of Slash, July 1st. I have about a minute left to post this, so, bye! I'll edit mistakes later!  
  
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Draco Malfoy had a problem. His problem was that he had another problem, but he couldn't get help without revealing that he had broken several rules, and something quite embarrassing. Unfortunately, the only way to figure this out by himself was to go to the library, and Madam Pince wasn't exactly the type of person to consult on this, even if he was only asking for a book on the subject. In the end, he decided to go to Professor Snape, the Potions Master. He probably had the best chance of understanding this problem. So there he was, standing in front of Snape's office. He slowly knocked on the door.  
  
  
  
"Come in," Snape's cold voice said.  
  
  
  
Draco opened the door and walked in. "I need to talk to you," he said as he shut the door quietly. Snape nodded, acknowledging that he heard. Draco sat down. "Professor, do you remember that lesson on the Polyjuice potion you taught?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, Mr. Malfoy," he said. "What about it?"  
  
  
  
Draco sighed. "I used it. I was angry at Potter and Weasley, so I used it to become Granger. After words, the potion wore off, but there was something wrong that you hadn't mentioned. I...I was still a girl when I changed back. And I still am. I can't figure out why."  
  
  
  
Snape raised his eyebrow. "What exactly happened while you were Miss Granger?"  
  
  
  
He sighed again. "Well..."  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Draco walked into the Gryffindor common room. Granger was in the library, studying for the O.W.L.S. This meant there was little chance she would interrupt. He was not only amazed by how comfortable the room looked, but that it had been so easy to find the password. All he had to do was to go up to one of the first years and tell him he forgot the password. It wasn't like any of them knew Granger that well only a week after school started. He looked around. Now where were Potter's potions notes? There they were. How irresponsible could someone be, leaving them right there? He must trust those bloody Gryffindors too much. Potter was in the library with Granger, studying transfiguration. That worked out well. Draco wandered over to the desk, picked up a quill, and looked at the notes. 3 tablespoons of kuswort. Well, that was simple. All he had to do was change the 3 to an 8, and the cauldron would melt. 1 porcupine quill was easily changed to 7 quills to give him green hair and silver skin.  
  
  
  
Draco put down the quill. What else could he do? This was kid's stuff. He looked around, and found that there was no one there. Good. He took a drink out of a container he brought with him (just in case the potion wore off. He had no idea how long it had been.), and crept up to the boy's dormitory. As he looked around, he heard voice behind him. "Hermione!" Draco turned around and saw Weasley in front of him. "You came after all!"  
  
  
  
There was nothing else to do. He smiled. Hopefully that git would leave before the potion wore off. "Of course I did, Ron. Why wouldn't I?"  
  
  
  
Weasley smiled back. How sickening. Must like Granger a lot. "I dunno. But...there's something I've been wanting to tell you. You see, Hermione," he grabbed Draco's hand. "I...I love you. I know we've been together for a while, but...I really do love you."  
  
  
  
Draco's eyes widened. This was not going to be easy to get out of. "I...love you, too, Ron." God, that was hard to say. Suddenly, Weasley did something unexpected. Draco, to his horror, was french kissing Ron Weasley. Not only that, but his robes were being pulled off...Uh-oh...What could he do? Either he stopped Weasley right now and told him...or he could...Draco stopped himself from groaning, and started fumbling with Ron's robes. Why tonight of all nights? Damn Granger. Why did she have to like this git? No. It wasn't her fault. It was Ron's damn fault. He couldn't even tell the difference between his bloody girlfriend and an imposter.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
"...and...well..." Draco sighed. How bloody embarrassing was that? He risked looking up at Snape. He was not even slightly amused.  
  
  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, would you stand up please?" Snape asked. Draco did so, and watched as Snape said a spell (Profero graviditas!), pointing his wand at Draco's stomach. A very small spark emerged from the tip of the wand.  
  
  
  
"What does that mean?" Draco asked.  
  
  
  
Snape sighed. "It means, Mr. Malfoy, that Mr. Weasley is about to get a nasty surprise." Seeing Draco's blank look, he sighed. "In other words, you are carrying Ron's child."  
  
  
  
Draco stared. He sincerely hoped that he had misunderstood. "Could...could you rephrase that, professor?"  
  
  
  
Snape glared at him. "This means you are pregnant, Mr. Malfoy."  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes, it sucks, but this is a one shot. *shrugs* Review, CC, Flame, Praise, whatever. Just don't tell Meir Brin. 


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